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The Hat. Prepared to face coronavirus head-on by wearing mask atop head. (Not the best idea that ever popped out of the old noggin, my friend. See also The Chin-Strap, aka The Goiter, and The Pocket Protector.)

The Schnoz, aka The Nose-Ranger. Wears mask over mouth; however, proboscis is permitted to roam freely, potentially snuffling in and shooting out bits and blobs of coronavirus. (Would it kill you to put that big honker under wraps? Seems like leaving it out during a global pandemic’s not your best option…)

The Fussbucket, aka The Fussbudget. Compelled to adjust, re-adjust, and re-re-adjust mask—especially with no discernible improvements achieved. (Way to spread that virus around, buddy! See also The Gross Talker, aka The Spit-Talker, aka The Up-and-Downer)

The Pocket Protector. Protecting himself and others with his mask-y talisman tucked securely in shirt pocket. (May also hang mask from car rear-view mirror for extra, automotive protection. See also The Chin-Strap, aka The Goiter.)

The Peekaboo. Who’s to say whether she’s just making a statement or truly grabbing some shut-eye? (If it’s the Big Dirt Nap she’s after, she’s well on her way! See also The Chin-Strap, aka The Goiter, The Hat, and The Dangler.)

The Chin-Strap, aka The Goiter. Wears mask around neck, firmly believing that simple possession of this mask-y talisman and its close proximity to his face is suitable protection for both himself and others against coronavirus. (Spoiler: It isn’t.)

The Dangler. Rather than wear a mask around both ears, he must demonstrate the utility and strength of just one of his ears at a time. (Sadly, anything he may have heard about coronavirus went in one ear and out the other. See also The Chin-Strap, aka The Goiter, and The Hat.)

The Gross Talker, aka The Spit-Talker, aka The Up-and-Downer. Covers mouth and nose with mask—until she has something to say. Then she pulls the mask down, says her piece, and pulls the mask back up. (Your killer gossip is going to get us all killed. Could you please keep the pie hole covered?)